GRUDGEMATCH: Rambo vs. Predator

Rambo Vs. Predator: Who will win?

With all the Predator hype surrounding the new Predators movie, I got thinking about our favorite jungle hunter. It wasn’t too long before I was having fond memories of the Rambo franchise, and began fantasizing about a showdown between the two characters.

Rambo and Predator. Both are skilled hunters and combatants. Both use the terrain to disappear and wait for the perfect moment to strike. And most importantly, both are capable of dispatching entire units of heavily armed soldiers. But if it came down to a showdown between the two, who has the winning edge? Combat vet or alien from outer space?

Rambo:

-Green Beret and Vietnam War Veteran.
-Skilled in survival, hand to hand combat, and guerrilla warfare.
-Trained to live off the land, feel no pain, and never surrender
-Suffers post-traumatic stress disorder from being a POW in Vietnam.
-Able to make lethal booby traps from natural terrain.
-What you call hell, he calls home.

Arsenal:
-Compact bow with explosive tips
-The knife
– 75% chance Rambo will find some sort of mounted heavy machine gun and carry it with one arm

Favorite move:
Giving a stirring one-liner and then firing a machine gun in all directions while yelling “AAAAAAAARRRGGGHHHH!”

Predator:

-Alien who dedicates his life to the hunt.
-Possesses strength and fortitude far beyond human level.
-Proficient in hunting humans and other species, studying its prey for up to several days before killing.
-Has never lived survived a movie and was once defeated by Danny Glover. (Hey, lets be honest).

Arsenal:
-Active Camouflage which makes him essentially invisible, but short circuits in water
-Thermal imaging eyesight
-A shoulder mounted energy weapon (Plasma Caster)
-Telescopic Spear
-Various laser nets, shuriken, and a boomerang like razor-disc
-Wrist blades
-Self destruct device (used as a last resort).

Favorite move: Removing his face mask, roaring, finishing his prey’s sentence with an electronic translator, and then ripping the skull and spinal column right from their body.

Let the battle begin!

Nate’s Top 10 Most Anticipated of 2010

10. Hot Tub Time Machine

Honestly, with a name like Hot Tub Time Machine, I’d probably go see it regardless of who was in it, behind it, or what it was about.  Fortunately, it’s got the likes of John Cusack, Chevy Chase, Craig Robinson, and Lizzy Caplan starring, and it’s directed by Steve Pink, who wrote High Fidelity and Grosse Point Blank, and directed Accepted (which kinda sucked, but not because of poor directing.)  We’ll see how it turns out.

9. Voyage of the Dawn Treader

So Prince Caspian kinda sucked, but the book wasn’t exactly the pinnacle of the series.  Voyage of the Dawn Treader on the other hand, is one of the better books (even though personally I never cared that much for it.)  But this one needs to do some awesome business so that they freaking make The Silver Chair already!

8. Red Dawn

No one knows anything about this one yet, but the original Red Dawn was cheesy 80’s awesomeness.  Therefore, even though I know they’re going to royally screw the remake up, it’s a shoo-in.

7. Alice in Wonderland

This may be the perfect adaptation for Tim Burton.  He does, after all, seem to be cut from the same cloth as Lewis Carroll (which, if I had to venture a guess, must be some sort of seersucker/hemp combination).  The trailer looks good, and the cast is fantastic.  Here’s hoping it’s better than Charlie and the Chocolate Factory was.

6. The Expendables

2008’s Rambo was astonishingly good, so Stallone writing and directing another action flick is probably good news.  This particular action flick, however, also happens to star (in addition to Stallone himself) Jet Li, Jason Statham, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mickey Rourke, Eric Roberts, Dolph Lundgren (aka Ivan Drago from Rocky IV), as well as UFC champion Randy Couture, and WWF wrestler “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, and Danny Trejo.  Which basically makes this a LOT more interesting.

5. Paul

What’s that you say? Simon Pegg and Nick Frost? I’m in! Oh? It’s got Sigourney Weaver in it? Even better! And Jason Bateman too!? Oh, trust me, I’m seeing it! And it’s about Comic Con and Area 51? That’s it, where do I get in line?!

4. Iron Man 2

With all due respect to The Dark Knight (and all due respect in this case happens to be about thirty boatloads), Iron Man was just more fun.  Hopefully Iron Man 2 manages to avoid descending into Transformers 2 territory.  Cross your fingers.

3. Kick-Ass

This wasn’t even on my radar until I saw the first (brilliant) trailer for it, whereupon it instantly shot to #10 on my list.  Having seen the second trailer, and having discovered that Matthew Vaughn (who directed the woefully under-appreciated Stardust) is directing, it’s gone even higher.

2. Inception

Everything Christopher Nolan touches turns to gold.  Hopefully Inception is no exception.  The trailers are all kinds of trippy, and give next to nothing away, although it does seem to be in a similar vein as The Prestige and Memento, which is a good thing.  This is one to put on your calendar.

1. Robin Hood

Robin Hood is one of my favorite literary figures, so I’m understandably excited that there’s a new Robin Hood movie being made.  Gladiator was one of the greatest historical epics of all time, so the reunion of Ridley Scott and Russell Crowe is promising.  It’s also promising that they abandoned some of the weird ideas that they were toying with back when they were calling it Nottingham.  The trailer doesn’t show much, except for lots of epic looking battles, but the tone seems darker and grittier than most other Robin Hood movies (the awful Prince of Thieves being the one possible exception), which could go either way.  Just please, God, don’t let them try to make it nuanced.